Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
