Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
