I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Vodka?
Forever.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Randomize
