I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
