You smell like stripper and shame
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
