apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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