before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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