Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
