um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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