she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
dude. I can hear the air.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
