she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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