No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
