I skipped work to stalk him.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
