I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i've created a new STD.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
