i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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