Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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