It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
