.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
