Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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