my vag is so smooth its legendary
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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