i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
