Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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