Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
