party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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