I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
