11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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