I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
