matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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