it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
