you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
