Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I feel great
I just peed on a car
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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