I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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