well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
