just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize