Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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