Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
