Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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