maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
