i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
