His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you had me at cake vodka
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
