You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
