why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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