I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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