my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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