I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
