I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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