So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
handjob tips. give me some.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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