4 words: hood of his car
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
