she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
