I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize