Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
