I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
