scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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