If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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