There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
