I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
