whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dignity is for republicans.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
