garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
