Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
