I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
