can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
