i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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