I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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