Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
