all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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