Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
