Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
