He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I lost the right to judge tonight
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
