STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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