Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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