An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
