I could have mohawked her pubes.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
